How the other half... party! MailOnline goes inside the Annual Vanity Fair Oscars bash
By SARA NATHAN
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It is a quandry indeed.
When Jennifer Aniston's voluminous red gown is blocking your way, do you pluck up the courage to ask one of Hollywood's most famous women to ever so kindly pick up her train?
It's a predicament that you'll ever only really face at the Vanity Fair Oscars party, and so I gently tap Miss Aniston on the shoulder as I join a room filled with stars who seem mightily relieved to be able to kick back and relax after an unprecedented four hours at the Academy Awards ceremony.
Golden ticket! All the A-Listers headed to the Vanity Fair Party after the Oscars ceremony
The Friends star - a presenter at the awards ceremony - has been busy cuddling her very dashing fiance Justin Theroux, but turns around and gasps 'Oh I'm so sorry! oh excuse me!'. When I tell her that her Valentino gown looked stunning on camera, she smiles and pinches my arm, 'aren't you sweet', she adds.
Oscar nominee Hugh Jackman skips past after his performance alongside his Les Miserables castmates, 'nervous? me? never!' he laughs.
And nearby, Oscar nominee Bradley Cooper shrugs off his loss to Daniel Day Lewis as he chats to friends under the watchful gaze of his mother Gloria.
Matching: Jennifer Lawrence swapped into a metallic dress and sparkly as her Oscar
Family affair: The 22-year-old attened with her parents and what looks like all of her best girlfriends from her hometown of Louisville, Kentucky
Victorious entry: In the past Oscar winners like Sandra Bullock wouldn't need to be on a list to get in... just bring her golden statue
Ex-factor: Last year Zoe Saldana attended the party with then-boyfriend Bradley Cooper
This time last year, he attended the party with then girlfriend Zoe Saldana - and he and his mother make more of an incongruous sight as Bradley stands at a strapping 6ft 1ins tall, while his mother must be at least a foot shorter, but seems determined to keep a watchful eye on her famous son.
However, his co-star Robert De Niro looks slightly more glum after losing out on the best supporting actor award to Christoph Waltz.
This is the scene at Hollywood's hottest Oscar night party, featuring airport style security and police barriers to bypass before you're even allowed through the doors.
And it's the only place where you'll find Dame Shirley Bassey doing the conga - and Jane Fonda queuing at a burger truck.
Drinks: John Travolta and Kelly Preston enjoyed a Martini with Steven Spielberg and his wife Kate Caplan
Chinwag: Inside Jennifer Hudson had a good chat with Halle Berry
Annual: It's the party the movie industry looks forward to every year
It will also be the only place you'll get to see Google co-founder Sergey Brin wandering around wearing 'Google Glasses' (as is his wife). But tip: if you see Sergey, don't ask to try on the augmented reality glasses 'No', he says when I ask 'everyone's asking.'
Meanwhile, Midnight Cowboy legend Jon Voight - still dashing at 74 and exceedingly charming - says 'you know more than me' when asked about his daughter Angelina Jolie's upcoming wedding to Brad Pitt.
Suddenly, a booming voice reverberates throughout the room and the wood panelled walls at the Sunset Tower Hotel 'Did you get your martini yet!' I turn around and it's John Travolta, toting his wife Kelly and daughter Ella Bleu and making a beeline for Stephen Spielberg.
Plus one: Seth Rogen like many brough his spouse (Lauren Miller) to the party
Perfect ending: Winning the Oscar for Best Actress in a Supporting Role has finished a fantastic award season for Anne Hathaway
Blue buddies: Both Isla Fisher and Reece Witherspoon left their husbands at home
Stylish couple: Emily Mortimer and Alessandro Nivola arrive together on Sunday night
Old school: Veteran actor Martin Short and Joan Collin embrace outside the Sunset Hotel
No sore loser is Lincoln director Stephen, who lost out to Ben Affleck for Best Film and Ang Lee for Best Director, as he beams at John, while his wife Kate Capshaw, sporting a beehive, is cornered by fashion queen Donna Karan, who shrieks 'to die, TO DIE' at her friend's Oscar night look.
Kate gamely posed for her friend, pointing to her multi-carat diamond necklace and her hair, while waiters carry around trays full of cupcakes from Magnolia Bakery, decorated with names of films and nominees.
Just then, the man of the hour Affleck arrives and the room erupts into a cheer. Hollywood's golden boy is here, carrying his own little gold man and accompanied by his stunning wife Jennifer Garner.
VIDEO A taste of behind-the-scenes. Vanity Fair Oscars after-party in full swing
In sync: Natalie Portman and her husband, the choreographer Benjamin Millepied are matching in monochrome
Friendly encounters: Natalie gets a hug from Diane Kruger, with many celebs getting the opportunity to catch up with old mates
Shaking my hand (which I immediately vow never to wash again), and looking slightly dazed, Ben is surrounded by friends and treated to slaps on the back 'I'm back, can you believe it' he's heard telling one pal, and his wife Jennifer tells me: 'I'm very proud, so very proud.'
Ben's followed in by Best Actress winner Jennifer Lawrence, who has changed into a slinky silver gown - far removed from the pale pink Dior ballgown she wore at the ceremony, which was so big it prompted her to fall up the stars as she went to accept her award.
The 22-year-old is trailed by her parents and what looks like all of her best girlfriends from her hometown of Louisville, Kentucky.
Unconventional: The German actress goes for a modern mini dress for the Awards ceremony and party
Black and gold: Naomi Watts and her partner Liev Schreiber look elegant at the party hosted by Graydon Chandler
Cheeky! Melissa McCarthy may be married to Ben Falcone, but she said Seth Rogen was 'edible' to Octavia Spencer and Elizabeth Banks
Cut out: Both Rose Byrne and Olivia Munn chose dresses that showed off their slim waists
The Vanity Fair party is an annual staple. It happens just once a year - just like Christmas, but with rather more spray tan, Botox and designer gowns.
It is, as its inimitable editor Graydon Carter dubbed it ‘ Vanity Fair Live’ – and it’s the only ticket that counts on Oscar night.
At the top of Tinseltown, the cream of the A-listers stride across a red carpet teaming with shrieking photographers and film crews to enter the hallowed hallways of the Sunset Tower hotel.
A recent history of the Vanity Fair party detailed the great lengths people have gone to in a bid to snag an invite.
Racy in lace: Hilary Swank stood out in red - as did her legs through the sheer material of her Valentino gown
Old favourites: Bo Derek looked younger than her 56 years in bohemian red dress with pale blue detail and accessories
Vintage class: Jane Fonda switched from yellow to a monochrome dress after the awards, carrying a gold clutch bag
Hungry? After the party Jane stopped by a fast food stall to pick up burger with boyfriend Richard Perry
Staff members have been bribed, while in the past bomb-sniffing dogs have even found people hiding in their best black tie beneath scaffolding, waiting to smuggle themselves in.
Keith Duval, the security chief, told the report in the March edition of Vanity Fair: 'They’d been there since the night before with bags of food and small coolers.'
Entry was once guaranteed to anyone who arrived at the party with an Oscar, guest list or no, but Duval says that changed when people started showing up with 'fake Oscars and a bodyguard, or a real Oscar that they’d bought at a pawnshop.'
Matt Ullian has been the point person at the party’s door for the past 10 years.
Among his duties are handling the 'plus-one,' 'plus-two,' 'plus-you’re-kidding-me' questions that arise when, on occasion, guests try to finagle friends into the party at the last minute. 'You wouldn’t believe how often someone shows up with extra people who we can’t let in, but the car’s already been valeted so the guest just leaves his or her excess friends standing on the sidewalk,' Ullian laughed.
The party is a fascinating mix of the old and new guard of Hollywood.
Heidi calling! Kate Bosworth wore her hair up in a plaited style with husband-to-be Michael Polish
Towards the back of the room, Joan and Jackie Collins hold court while 'Gorgeous' George Hamilton stands over them. 'It's my favourite night of the year', says Joan,looking immaculate as ever.
Halle Berry and Jennifer Hudson are in close conversation, while comedian and Bridesmaids star Melissa McCarthy, talking to Elizabeth Banks, Seth Rogen and Oscar winner Octavia Spencer (who says Seth looks 'edible) still cannot believe her luck, adding: 'I'm crossing my fingers, I never dreamed of all this.
She's such a big hitter in Hollywood now that she's even producing three new films with husband Ben Falcone.
Spring Breakers: Vanessa Hudgens and Selena Gomez look sexier than their former Disney selves in fitted gowns
Ombre: Amber Heard couldn't decide between her blonde or brunette hair style so ended up with both!
Free and single: Liberty Ross exposed a little too much in her revealing mini-dress at the party
A presenter at the Oscars, she is still redolent in a full length-grey gown and big hair and says: 'This was going to be the only night I could get away with hair like this.'
And just when you think you've seen it all, Dame Shirley Bassey, 76, passes by me as part of a conga line as she exits the party.
And still rather dumbfounded, as a I leave, Jane Fonda struts up to the In and Out burger van parked outside the hotel with boyfriend Richard Perry and orders cheeseburgers, happy to stand in the chilly night air to wait for her number to be called.
Now that really is something you do NOT see every day...
Catch up: Emile Hirsch and Gerard Butler share a laugh as they meet on the red carpet
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