'It's so terrible, you'll need to ice your face to ease the pain': New Liz & Dick reviews mock Lindsay Lohan's 'frozen face' and 'blank stare' as Elizabeth Taylor
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The Hollywood Reporter has already slammed her performance in Liz & Dick as 'spectacularly bad,' likening her take on Elizabeth Taylor as 'half train wreck, half SNL skit.'
And unfortunately for Lindsay Lohan, more reviews of the forthcoming Lifetime biopic have been equally damning.
'It’s so terrible, you’ll need to ice your face when it’s over to ease the pain of wincing for two hours,' David Wiegand of The San Francisco Chronicle reports about the drama, which airs on U.S. network Lifetime on Sunday night.
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Ice the pain: The reviews for Lindsay Lohan's forthcoming Lifetime biopic Liz & Dick are overwhelmingly bad
The reviewer is clearly unimpressed with Lohan and her co-star Grant Bowler, who plays Richard Burton - describing their performances as 'ranging from barely adequate to terrible,' before pointing out that Taylor's fluctuating weight is not covered in the film.
'Unlike Lohan, she had hips,' adds Wiegand. 'It’s as though Burton is trading barbs with a 14-year-old boy in drag.'
Elsewhere, Entertainment Weekly calls the drama a 'dinky, tin-eared production,' and mocks the actress's 'frozen face' and 'blank stare.'
Even the couple's on-screen chemistry is derided, with Time magazine describing their coupling as 'a gender-reversed equivalent of Anne Hathaway and James Franco co-hosting the Oscars, him overstraining to drag her performance along.'
Slammed: Lindsay Lohan and Grant Bowler's chemistry as Taylor and Burton has been likened by critics to Miss Piggy and Kermit
Slammed: Lohan's performance as Taylor has been derided as ranging from 'barely adequate to terrible'
The Los Angeles Times writes: 'Unfortunately Lohan and co-star Grant Bowler have about as much sexual chemistry as Kermit and Miss Piggy and none of that couple's tenderness.'
The newspaper's critic Mary McNamara confesses herself 'bored' by the epic, reporting: 'Rather than pay homage to one of the most famous romances of the 20th century, Liz & Dick manages to make it boring.'
Starring as the Hollywood icon at various stages of her career, many critics agree that Lohan only passes as the late Hollywood icon through make-up and wardrobe.
The New York Times' Alessandra Stanley even says that Lifetime's decision to cast Lohan as Elizabeth Taylor is merely a 'gimmick' to draw viewers and publicity.
'There are moments in Liz & Dick when Lindsay Lohan looks a lot like Elizabeth Taylor,' she writes. 'There are others in which she looks like Elizabeth Taylor doing a Saturday Night Live impersonation of Lindsay Lohan'
Film magic: The featurette explores Taylor and Burton's relationship throughout their roles together, including 1963 movie Cleopatra
Lohan's bloated and puffy features also come under scrutiny.
'Absurdly, given Ms. Lohan’s actual youth, her smoky voice and prematurely smoothed features and puffed lips suggest an ageing beauty struggling to look young, not a young actress made up to look old,' says Stanley.
The reviews will clearly make unhappy reading for Lohan in what was supposed to be her comeback role.
But she may take some crumb of comfort from criticism of the screenplay and production itself.
'Lifetime's Liz & Dick is very bad, just as you knew it would be,' writes The Wrap's Tim Molloy. 'Let's not pretend it ever had a shot at being decent.
Melodramatic: The featurette co-stars Grant Bowler as Taylor's husband, Richard Burton
Likeness: Lohan fails to pull off a convincing portrayal of the Hollywood legend, critics say
No comparison: Another critic said that Lohan, left, had the odds stacked against her playing an icon like Taylor, right
Scandal: The poster for the drama promises controversy and scandal but many reviews say there will only be unintentional hilarity
'The decision to cast Lindsay Lohan as Oscar-winning screen legend Elizabeth Taylor told us right up front that the filmmakers were more interested in trashy publicity than quality. She isn't good, but no one could be good with this dialogue.'
However, The New York Post is a sole voice of admiration, writing: 'Lohan, in character as Taylor, is often so believable you might think you’re seeing the real thing.'
An early review by The Hollywood Reporter even encouraged viewers to watch the forthcoming featurette for all the wrong reasons.
The vitriolic review describes the film as so 'spectacularly bad' audiences will fail to take it seriously.
'Lohan as Taylor was a bad idea in the dramatic sense, but it’s pure genius both for marketing and for belly laughs and drinking games,' Critic Tim Goodman writes, musing on its unintentional comedic qualities and comparing it to a high school play.
The vitriolic review describes the film as so 'spectacularly bad' audiences will fail to take it seriously.
'Lohan as Taylor was a bad idea in the dramatic sense, but it’s pure genius both for marketing and for belly laughs and drinking games,' Critic Tim Goodman writes, musing on its unintentional comedic qualities and comparing it to a high school play.
Criticism: Lohan, pictured at the drama's premiere last week, has been slammed for her 'frozen stare'
'Lohan is woeful as Taylor from start to finish. But, whatever you do, don’t miss Liz & Dick. It’s an instant classic of unintentional hilarity,' he continues, offering, 'Drinking games were made for movies like this.'
'And the best part is that it gets worse as it goes on... By the time Lohan is playing mid-’80s Taylor and it looks like a lost Saturday Night Live skit, your body may be cramped by convulsions.'
Unconvinced by Lohan's performance ('There is not one minute in this film where she’s believable'), Goodman slams producers for naively casting Lohan in the lead role.
'Luckily, you can’t take your eyes off of Lohan playing Taylor, which the producers clearly thought would work because they share similar backstories,' Goodman writes. He continues with a personal attack.
'Except for the part about Taylor being a gigantic movie star and Lohan not being one. Not even a star bright enough to transport you at least halfway to believing she’s Elizabeth Taylor.'
Speaking out: Lohan made a recent appearance on Good Morning America on Friday to promote the film
'Maybe no re-enactment of their lives could replicate the scale on which those lives played out,' he writes of Taylor and Burton.
'It's tempting to say the movie's big problem is that Lohan is no Liz Taylor. And she isn't - though that's not entirely her fault.
'There aren't all that many actresses, or women, who can stop a room simply by walking into it,' he writes, adding the Bowler 'comes closer to Burton's rough, rugged charm'.
Lindsay herself opened up about the pressures of taking on the role in a video interview released in September.
Comparing herself to the Hollywood legend, she said: 'I relate to her on a lot of levels — living in the public eye, dealing with the stress of what other people say, whether it’s true or not.'
'I personally understand Liz, because you’re living your life for everyone to see, and people are growing with you.'
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